The Duo and Aaron
by Dark Lord
Summary: A duo wander the land to dispell the evil... and are followed by an idiot!
1. Chapter 1 The Begining Of The End

The duo…and Aaron…

Disclaimer: I don't own Diablo blizzard ones… yada yada yada… you know if it wasn't for all of those brain dead people out there who don't have a life and are constantly trying to sue people for know good reason or because of your stupidity I have something to say to you, GET A LIFE!!!!! You can't go around suing people because you spilled hot coffee on your self of you were too busy looking at a passing seagull to see the sigh that says 'caution wet surface' … wow … that felt good! … Oop… sorry… to the fic!

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Chapter One: The beginning of the end…

"Yes it is!"

"No it isn't!"

"Yes it is!"

"No it isn't!"

"YES IT IS!!"

"Your damn sword is no envenomed!!!" Damien yelled angrily "the tag says it is a fricken 'sword of flame'!!'

"…Its still envenomed" Aaron said in reply

"UGH!" Damien said in frustration

"Come on!" Jarrod said, "Lets just kill all the demons and monster things in the den of evil"

"That's what I've been saying!" Damien said 

As they started walking again Aaron picked up a rock and looked at it blankly before saying, "This rock is enven—ouch ouch ouch ouch…" Aaron stuttered as Damien removed his foot from Aaron's kneecap.

"Don't," Damien simply stated as he turned and began to walk again.

"Ok ok" Aaron said as he dropped the rock.

"Heh heh, that's funny" Jarrod said as he watched

"Look" Aaron said as he pointer to a zombie "it's a walking dead thing…"

"Zombie" Damien said as he slapped the back of Aaron's head

"Ouch!"

"Let's get it" Jarrod yelled as he lunged at the undead abomination. The paladin swung and removed the torso from the legs.

"Ooooo, Gold" said Jarrod as he crouched down and began counting it.

"Look out!" Damien Yelled as the Barbarian lunged at the zombie bearing down on the paladin, removing the foul creature's head with one swipe of his hatchet.

"Thanks" Jarrod said as he handed half the gold to Damien.

"HELP!!!" cried Aaron from behind as two zombies cornered him and as a quill rat filled him full of led… well actually quills, but lead sounds better…

"I got the two zombies," Damien said as he reached them and vigorously hacked at them.

"I got the quill rat," Jarrod said as he attached the quill rat.

When they finally killed the new enemies they walked casually over to Aaron's side and say that they were too late to save him

"Oh darn" Damien said, "I am going to miss him…"

"Yeh… like hernia!" Jarrod finished his sentence for him.

"Yup, that's for sure" Damien said as they walked back to Rogue encampment.

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Author's Note: I wrote this because this is acctualy how a kid at my school acts… pretty sad… any ways if you want to reed more R&R… that's read and review… not rest and relax… but I guess that you could do both… any ways I will write more if youse guys like it.


	2. Chapter 2 Helos And Goodbyes And Hellos ...

Disclaimer: Well... ok, i'll admit it, I don't own Blizzard Entertainent... well Duh!!!!! cuz if I did then I wouldn't be writing this... *sigh* for all of those people out there who don't get it I would be working on a story line for Starcfaft II/ Diablo III/ Warcraft IV. anyway... do I really have to write a disclaimer for every chapter? cuz if I do then I am just going to piss and moan about it for the other chapter's disclaimers. oh well... to the fic!

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Chapter 2: Hellos and goodbyes and hellos and goodbyes and... well you get the picture!

                "So what are we going to do first?" Jarrod asked looking at the dagger and potions that they had found after they killed the zombies and quill rat. 

                "bu da cu fu..." Damien was mumbling

                "what?" Jarrond said as he looked where Damien was looking."wha bu tu gu ta bu..."

                "Oh... hi guys!" Aaron said as he say them and walked over to them."You won't believe what happened to me"

                "But...you were... oh man!" Damien Stutered

                "I was up in this clowdy white place and then this voice said that I shoud press the ESC key on the keyboard of heaven " *lightning flashes and thunder is heard* 

                "what was that?!"Jarrod asked looking around franticly.

                "I knew I shouldhave made us hardcore!" Damien said as he slaped his forehead.

                "Hey guys will you help me get my sword back?" Aaron said anctiusly.

                "Oh sorry Aaron... I um... I'm very tired"Damien said as he fake-yawned.

                "Yeh... me too" Jarrod said looking from side to side

                "Ok then I guess that I am on my own." Aaron said as he walked tword the exit of the encampment.

                "O I know lets talk to Kasha and hire our selfs a few Rogues?" Jarrod asked nugind Damien and chucling.

                "Ok sure!" Damien said as he stood up and stoped.

                "Oh...darn!" Aaron said as stood there looking around stupidly like he alwase does. "I got killed by a zombie" he said as he waved at Damien and Jarrod and then tooke off tword the exit... again.

                "Ok... that was... um, whats the word i'm looking for..."

                "Disturbing?" Jarrod finished Damien's sentence for him.

                "yeh... that'll work"

                "ya know... I give him two more seconds before he appears there from the same zombie." Jarrod said.

                "Two... one..." Damien said.

                Right on que Aaron appeared and said,"Two zombies" and then appeared again saying "three zobies" and after that saying "four zombies"

                When he returned again Damien asked"Five zombies?"

                "No, I avoided the four zombies and got my sword back but then when I was right outside the encampment I triped on a rock and broke my neck!" Aaron said as he ran out of the Rogue encampment only to return with his sword after about a second.

                Jarrod and Damien began rolling around on the ground laughing uncontrollably for about two minutes.

                "Now that was funny!" Damien finnaly mannaged to say between raged gaspes for air.

                "It's not that funny!" Aaron said in his defence.

"Yes it is!" Jarrod mannaged after forcing himself to stop laughing that long.

"humph!" Aaron said as he stomped into his tent.

" I thing we should kill all of the monsters in the den of evil now so we can get our reward without Aaron!" Jarrod said.

"but thats mea..." Damien trailed off."Sure, lets do it!"

As the duo walked out of the camp they looked at eachother and had one finnal, deep laugh.

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Author's Note: sorry that this one took so long but by the amount of revews I got... or lack of, this really wasn't high on my list of things to do. But thanks to Redlady, who always seems to review, or else this would be dead in the water!!!!!!( cuz she gave me the only review ). and sorry, Redlady, if I didn't specify this... they don't care he died because he is a compleat and total moron!!!!!!!!!!!!*breathing heavily* and I am basing this on acctual exspirences! (witch is the sad part!) but any ways for those of you who were waitin' for my bio... its up, and I will use it as like a calendar for my stories... so chech back often... thankyou! and goodnite !!!*starts walking off of stage but a little knome runs up and thows an onion at the back of his head and then trips him* son of a... ouch! Hey get back here!!!!!!!!!!


	3. Chapter 3 The Keyboard of Heaven

Disclaimer: I already wrote two!!! See chapters 1 & 2

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Chapter 3

Panting, they finally made it to the den of evil and could already hear the demons inside

"Ok here's the plan, we rush in and make me think fast and on there feet." Jarrod said

"Um…do demons and zombies think?" the barbarian retorted

"Well… uh… no" Jarrod said with a sigh.

"Ok, how about we take it step by step and systematically kill them… again if need be"

"Well where do we start, smart guy" Jarrod asked with a sneer.

"At the entrance…" Damien said

"Well duh!" the paladin retorted "let's just go!"

As they cautiously walked through the cave entrance they immediately saw two zombies. The barbarian charged the first one as Jarrod charged the second. The two zombies fell almost instantly under their rapid strikes.

"Well that was easy!" Jarrod said as he wiped his short sword on the zombie's body to clean it.

"_That_ was" Damien said as he removed his hatchet from the zombie's head.

"Look!" Jarrod said as he pointed to where they could just make out some small forms that were silhouetted against torchlight.

"What are those?!" Damien said as he took a step foreword, which seemed to draw the attention of the red demons, which seemed to attack, _en masse_.

"Holy crap!" the paladin shrieked as one nearly took his head off.

"Attack!!!" the barbarian yelled as he charged into the mass

*Damien was slain by fallen*

*Jarrod was slain by fallen*

"What the…?!?!" Damien shrieked in anger "son of a…"

"Where are we?" Jarrod asked.

"You are in heaven," a voice stated bluntly.

"Who was that?!?!?"

"It is I, the magic disembodied voice of heaven" stated the magic disembodied voice of heaven.

*Aaron was slain by zombie*

"What the… not again!" Aaron stated from their rite. "Oh hi guys, you got killed by a zombie too?!?"

"Actually we got killed by… um…"

"Fallen" the disembodied voice of heaven finished.

"What was that… oh no wait never mind" Aaron said

"Remember me?" the disembodied voice asked dully. "Cuz I remember you…"

"Can I have your autograph?" Aaron asked the disembodied voice.

"Oh… sorry, I'm disembodied" the voice said with a hint of bitterness.

"Oh… well then can I have your autograph?" Aaron asked again.

"Disembodied means that I don't have a body, bub" the voice stated.

"Well then can I…"

"Ehem" Damien said impatiently. "Can you just tell us where the keyboard of heaven may be?"

"Its over there to your left" the voice said." Oh by the way, you can call me Bob," the voice said.

" Right…" Damien said as he pushed the ESC key.

"My turn!" Jarrod said as he pushed the ESC key.

"Oh, here we go again!!" Aaron said as he pushed the key.

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Author's Note: yo every body! I realized that I haven't been posting to this story in a looooooooooooooooooong time so I am going to be exclusively posting in this for awhile… so u can expect more soon!… … … and remember: 

Step 1: Read

Step 2: Review

Step 3: Rest

Step 4: Relax

Step 5: Repeat steps 1-5


	4. The Den of Evil

Chapter 4: The Den Of Evil

Disclaimer: just read!

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"You know that this is the second time I'm walking this way, Aaron. You don't have to make it worse than it already is by poking me with that stick you found!" Damien said bluntly.

"Poke, poke, poke, poke" Aaron said as he poked Damien.

"I already died once you know, I don't want to die again" Damien said, "We are already halfway back"

"Why don't you just kick him or something?" Jarrod asked.

" I wish it were that easy," Damien said as he turned around and kicked Aaron.

Ouch, ou… poke, poke, poke, poke" Aaron continued.

"See!" Damien said to Jarrod.

"I shoulda known…" Jarrod said with a sigh

"Hey look, were here!" Aaron stated with a smile.

"I know Aaron, why don't you just stand guard here so that if any of the demons try to get away you can get them," Damien said.

"Ok… so what you are saying is that I will be covering your backs" Aaron said.

"Ya, sure" Damien said as him and Jarrod disappeared into the darkness.

"He has the I.Q. of a pancake… I swear!" Damien said to himself.

"Yeh, if he had a brain he'd be dangerous" Jarrod said as they continued deeper into the maze.

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Author's Note: sorry this one is so short but I've been busy… sorry… um, anyways, remember:

Step 1: Read

Step 2: Review

Step 3: Rest

Step 4: Relax

Step 5: Repeat steps 1-5


	5. Chapter 5 Meetings and greetings

Chapter 5: Meetings and greetings

Disclaimer: don't ask!!!!

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As Damien and Jarrod killed the last demon- thingy in the den, a bright light filled it.

"The rogues are safe for the moment," Damien said triumphantly as he leaned against the wall.

"My duty here is done" Jarrod stated as he wiped thick black blood off his short sword."

"So… lets get back to town and get that reward of ours!" Damien said pulling out a scroll and chanting the ancient glyphs written on it. And as he did so the scroll dried up and blew away while a blue swirling portal appeared reaching almost from the floor to the ceiling.

"Lets go!" Jarrod said as he and Damien stepped through the portal

As they stepped through Damien stopped mid-stride so fast that Jarrod, who was behind him, ran into his broad back.

"Gah" Jarrod said as he backed away from Damien "next time tell me when you are going to stop!" he said angrily.

As Jarrod realized that he was starring strait a head he began to shake his head "no no no, what in the known world did we do to deserver this fate?!?!?!?!?!"

The only response that Damien gave was a heavy sigh, which, seemed to draw Aaron's attention away from the fire and the quill rat roasting over it and to them.

"Hi guys, sorry I left but I got hungry," he said walking over

"Gah, just let me have some of that quill rat and all is forgiven" Damien said

Oh, it's not mine its his" Aaron said as he motioned to a shadowy figurer hidden in the shadows of the nearest tent.

Damien began to glare at the figure that made no move what so ever.

"What you know him?" Jarrod asked

"Yeh, I've know him all my life" Damien said, not breaking eye contact anywhere.

"After all these years we finally meet again" Damien said as he raised his voice enough for the shadowy figure to hear.

"Yes it appears so" he replied still not making a move to leave the shadows.

"How long has it been?" Damien asked taking a few steps forward.

"I lost count years ago," the figure said, finally breaking from the shadows to reveal a very powerful looking necromancer.

"Guys" Damien said as he pointed to the necromancer "this is my childhood friend, Julian"

"Aye, indeed, we have know each other forever" Julian said coming over to the small group.

"Wow…" Aaron said sounding dumbfounded "dinner smells good!"

*Julian was slain by stupidity*

*Damien was slain by stupidity*

*Jarrod was slain by stupidity*

*Warieve was slain by stupidity*

*Kasha was slain by stupidity*

*Charsi was slain by stupidity*

*Akara was slain by stupidity*

*Gheed was slain by stupidity*

*DarkLord was slain by stupidity*

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Author's Note: Well… That's it. I finally got another chapter up! … Sorry I haven posted lately but I've been busy writing a Dungeon Siege fic, and those of you who have played know how long it is!!!

And last but not least:

Step 1: Read

Step 2: Review

Step 3: Rest

Step 4: Relax

Step 5: Repeat Steps 1-5


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